New Year's Resolutions...Or Not?

Did you know that according to Forbes Magazine, only 8% of Americans claim they achieve their New Year's resolutions at the end of the year?

And apparently, only one-third of Americans even set resolutions at all.

With those odds, it's no wonder I hear people all around me say they're not bothering to make New Year's resolutions this year.

And I suppose I'm one of them.  I used to make New Year's resolutions.  I just love plotting out a shiny, new goal on paper and making a plan on how to achieve it.  But I'm afraid too often I fall into the 92% category of those who don't follow through with my beginning of the year intentions.  Which is why I have a different tactic that I use in lieu of resolutions.

I give each year a theme.  For instance, last year, going into 2013, I knew I was pregnant and I felt that my pregnancy was a true gift from God.  So, I declared 2013 to be "The Year of Good Gifts".  When I received a "good gift", I immediately associated it to the theme for the year.  It kept my focus on all of the positive, wonderful things happening in my life, even on the not-so-great days.

This year's theme is based on several verses from James.  The theme is "Count it All Joy".  Here are the verses:

"My brethern, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience; but let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."       -James 1:2-4

I'm always looking for ways to make my New Year's theme practical in my life, so this year I'm doing something I've never done before.  On each day's space in my 2014 planner, I am writing down one thing that brought me joy for that day.  Then at the end of the year, I will be able to look back on any given day and read about a joyful moment!  Already, I'm feeling more satisfied with my life and I've only done this for three days!  And I find myself looking for things that will bring me joy.

So, how about you?  Do you make New Year's resolutions?  If so, I do hope you fall into the 8% that keep them this year!

If you don't "resolve"to do anything this year, how about coming up with your own theme for 2014? If you already have one, please share, either in the comments below or on my facebook page! Looking forward to hearing from you!

Two Little Things

There are two little things that I really enjoy...

The first is a blank new planner (yes, an actual paper one that you write in) that has never been used.  There is a certain excitement I get from seeing those beautiful white pages on January 1st and wondering how I'm going to fill them this year.  Will I go on an exotic trip?  Will I sing in an unexpected place?  Will I add new students to my music studio?  I never know.  But I do know that it's up to me to take the next 365 days and fill them with a life well-lived and well-loved.

The second thing I love is a planner that has been completely used.  I love to go back each year on January 1st and look at my previous year's planner and see all of the things I accomplished.  It gives me hope that I am capable of much more than I originally thought.

In 2013, these are a few of the things I experienced as evidenced in my planner:

-Directed my first high school musical, School House Rock Live!
-Judged Senior high soloists at Fine Arts
-Finished writing my book, Ten Weeks to a Better Voice
-Found out I was having a son
-Sang with Israel Houghton
-Took a much needed vacation with my hubby to Washington DC.
-Cleaned out a guest room and turned it into a nursery (with lots of help!)
-Ran a successful music studio during the summer
-Landed a new teaching job while seven and a half months pregnant
-Had two beautiful baby showers in KY and FL
-Wrote my son a lullaby
-Delivered my son (no small feat!)
-Traveled to and from KY with my infant
-Became a mom

It's amazing to look back on one year as a whole and see how much I've been able to accomplish.  I admit that staring 2014 in the face seems a little daunting, but I believe I will look back on this year and find that I've accomplished even more than I did in 2013.

That's why I love January 1st.  The sky's the limit.  If there's something I want to do, a new goal I want to reach, I know it's up to me to make it happen.

There is a little book that I read that has this title:

Now it's your turn to complete the sentence.  "This year I will..." Say aloud the first thing that pops in your head even if it sounds impossible or audacious.

What will you do with the next 365 days?  Remove the limits off of your life and get ready for new experiences and unexpected adventures!
Happy New Year!

Lower Your Expectations

This post might come as a surprise to you.  After all, here is the woman who is always spouting off ways to reach your goals, suddenly telling you to lower your expectations.  Don't the two contradict each other?  I say no.  Here's why:

Sometimes in goal setting, there is too much going on at one time.  You might know this as multitasking.  And studies are showing that multitasking doesn't work so well.  If you are trying to do everything at once, it's hard to do any one thing well.  You might halfway finish a bunch of things, but they're still only halfway finished, which is not really finished at all.

Since becoming a mom, I have resigned myself to the fact of life that I'm not going to accomplish the same amount of stuff that I used to be able to in a day.  My typical day goes something like this: wake up, feed baby, get ready for work, work, pick up baby, feed baby, put baby down for nap, shovel lunch while baby is sleeping, feed baby, put baby down for afternoon nap, shower, feed baby, make dinner, entertain baby, feed baby, get baby ready for bed, finish whatever I can once baby goes down for the night.  Right now, "baby" rules my to do list.  He comes first.  And that's ok.  But somewhere in that time frame,  I have to do other things like fold laundry, wrap Christmas gifts, and of course, empty the dishwasher.

Enter my new motto: "Lower Your Expectations".  Yes, I still have goals that I want to accomplish.  But, I am choosing to pare down my to-do list to one or two things that I can get done in a day.  The rest will have to wait for now.

As a result of this new motto, I am still accomplishing things, but at a slower pace while caring for my son full time.  And I feel great about that because I am still finishing my to-do list by the end of the day, but it's just smaller.

Sometimes in our lives, we will simply have to lower our expectations of what we can get done in twenty-four hours.  You may not be taking care of an infant, but maybe you have aging parents to look after.  Maybe you're facing an illness that zaps you of your energy.  Or maybe, you are dealing with none of those things, but simply need to slow down and savor the season.

Do me a favor.  Cut your to-do list down this week.  Even if it's just two items: what can you stand to let go of?  What can you move to next week?  With the time you save, spend it loving on the people in your life.  Drive around just for the sake of looking at Christmas lights in your neighborhood (this is a very relaxing practice for me!).  And then, do the things on your to-do list that are left and feel proud of yourself for still accomplishing your goals, but truly taking the time to slow down.  You and I will all be happier for it!  Yes, I give you permission to lower your expectations!

Something to add to your to-do list: enjoying the holiday lights!  Especially if you had to put them up at your house!

End of Year Habit Challenge Update

Well, it's been a while since I've posted, so I decided to give you an update on my last post.  Last time, I challenged anyone who wanted to join me to replace one bad habit with one good habit for the rest of the year.  Even though I didn't have any takers, it did not deter me from working on my plan.  My bad habit to drop was after-dinner snacking and I wanted to replace it with a bedtime routine with my son.

As life goes, I got sick a week ago.  Up to that point, I was making good on my bedtime routine and doing a great job of not snacking after dinner.  But then when I got sick, I really didn't feel like eating, so snacking wasn't a problem.  However, my son's bedtime routine went out the window since Momma was collapsing into bed every night as early as possible!

Now that I'm feeling better, I plan on reinstating the bedtime routine.  The nights I did have one with my son, we enjoyed some awesome bonding time.  He would snuggle up against me in our comfy glider and I would choose a short book or two to read.  Landon really enjoys being read to and I hope it's a love that lasts as he grows up.

On a positive note, as a result of not snacking (and being sick), I have dropped four pounds this month and the jeans that I was wearing well at the beginning of the month are now almost falling off of me!  Something is working!  I'm going to keep on working my plan and dust myself off when I fail and try again.  It's not the failures that count.  It's the number of times we keep going after we fail that bring the reward!

Trying to Do it All (Doesn't Work)!

This post is for those of you out there that attempt to tackle your day with a vengeance.  When your alarm goes off in the morning, you jump out of bed like there is a fire under you and are immediately awake (ok, well maybe it's more like after your second cup of coffee).  You save your to-do lists just so you can admire how much you're able to accomplish in a twenty-four hour period.  You are a type-A, gotta-get-it-done now kind of person.

Just like me! Only that way of life doesn't seem to be working for me anymore.  This week I returned to work.  I am now a part-time teacher and a full-time mom and that means that time to run my household is a precious commodity.  I am lucky if I get a shower and dry my hair by bedtime.

Unfortunately, my personality lends itself to trying to achieve perfection, so if I happen to go to bed with items left on my to-do list, I somehow feel like a failure for the day.  And that's really ridiculous because I am taking care of another human being!  I've never had to do that before, so I need to learn to cut myself some slack!

The point I'm trying to make is that trying to do it all doesn't work and will often leave you more frustrated than if you had chosen a few key tasks to accomplish in a day, week, or month.

Do you ever have so many goals floating through your head that you never make progress on any of them because you're trying to "do it all"?  This happens to me.  I want to publish a book, write a song, drop five pounds, and try out four new recipes-- all in the same month!  It's no surprise when the month comes to an end and I haven't made progress on any of them because I couldn't choose just one to focus my attention on.

Goal-setting and time management experts have a great technique for combating the "do it all or nothing" mentality.  They recommend asking yourself, "If I could only accomplish one thing all day, what thing is most important to get done?"  Then you complete that one thing BEFORE you do anything else (like mindless channel surfing: guilty as charged!).  Only after it's completed, you ask, "If I could only accomplish one other thing all day, what would it be?" This technique allows you to focus on one thing at a time and achieve the most important tasks.  Then you can go to bed at night knowing you handled first things first and didn't waste as much time on unimportant tasks.  

I've recently discovered a cool app called "Balanced".  I have the free version on my phone and it allows me to enter and track five different tasks that need to be accomplished for me to feel balanced.  One of my tasks is to drink 8 oz of water four times a day.  What's cool about the app is that it will remind me when I need to do something.  Then after I've completed the task, I can check it off.  I've really enjoyed the app and how it is helping me put things in perspective.

I hope you will try the above technique if you are struggling with a massive to-do list.  Simply choose your most important tasks and don't do anything else until they are finished.  Then, and only then, can you indulge in mindless channel surfing completely guilt-free!

A Victory!

I wanted to take a moment and share a little victory I'm having today.  After all, this blog is all about Girls Making Goals and reaching them, so I think every small goal should be celebrated along with the big ones.

Today is my six week postpartum appointment with my obstetrician. When my son was born, I gave myself a goal to be at a certain weight by the time this appointment rolled around.  Yesterday, I stepped on the scale and found out that I met my goal!  I am 13 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight!

Since I have met this goal, I'm ready to set another: by New Year's Day, I want to be within five pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight.  I think this is very realistic because I should be able to pump up the exercise after my doctor clears me.  All I've done up to this point is walk.

I believe my body has returned to its pre-pregnancy shape due to several factors:

1. I was healthy when I got pregnant.  I wanted to be in great shape when my husband and I were trying to conceive.  For some reason, I just felt that the entire process would be easier.  And in my case, it was.  We conceived within two months of trying to have a baby.

2. I kept up a walking routine.  Both my doctor and my mom constantly encouraged me to keep walking while I was pregnant.  And it seems that some research indicates walking throughout pregnancy not only helps you feel better during the pregnancy, but also aids in an easier delivery.

3. I am nursing.  Obviously, the nutritional benefits for my baby were enough to encourage me to nurse.  But I have to admit, rather selfishly, that when I read that nursing burns up to 500 calories a day, I was sold! I thought it would be the easiest exercise program ever!  Ha!  It really is hard work, not to mention, my son likes to eat A LOT!  But now that we've both gotten the hang of it, I wouldn't do anything differently.  It's convenient and cheap and nourishing to my baby.

4. I believe that my body will, in time, return to its healthiest weight.  It's easy to get stressed that my body is not the same as it was a year ago, but then I remind myself that it just did this amazing job of carrying a baby full-term!  Anyone who has carried a baby should be commended!  You are a rock star!  Isn't it amazing that your body can handle so much?  What an innovative Creator we have!  And in time, if well cared for, a body can look as good as it did before pregnancy.  I have many friends who are proof of this!

I'm not seeking to brag or toot my own horn in all of this.  I just wanted to share what has worked so far for me.

All I can say is that every extra pound and new stretch mark was worth it when I snuggle my precious son.  I would do it again in a second!

This is my first pregnancy picture at eight weeks. I was still at my pre-pregnancy weight.  Hoping to get back to this by January 2014!

Bloom Where You're Planted

"She was a wife and mother, in love with the life she lived." -Nicholas Sparks, from A Bend in the Road

It is not very often that I run across a quote in a novel that stands out to me.  However, I just finished reading this wonderful novel listed above by Nicholas Sparks and several pages from the end, I read the line above.  And it caught my attention, probably because that line very much describes my life right now.

If someone asked me what I do today, I would say my job is "wife and mother". Even though my profession is a musician, being a wife and mother in this period of my life far outweighs anything else going on.

But the second part of the quote is what really inspired me: "she was...in love with the life she lived." What a beautiful line.  How many of us can honestly say we're in love with the life we live?

Go ahead and be honest with yourself: are you?

I believe a huge part of loving your life is looking for the opportunities to flourish right where you are.  I live away from my mom (very far away, about 800 miles), and for the longest time, I wasn't content with my life because I didn't live close.  Finally after several years, I stopped fighting myself and began to set goals and dream about what could be right where I am in Florida.  And that is when good things started happening and momentum began to take me to greater levels of personal and professional success.

One of my favorite quotes is "Bloom where you're planted".  You may not feel like you have the resources around you that you would like, but you can always take what you do have and make something with them.  Wherever God happens to have you in this moment of your life is where you are supposed to be.  It's easy to fight it and hope that things will change, but I challenge you to bloom where you are.  You can flourish, even in a desert season.

Can you imagine how much better our world would be if more women rose up and decided to truly love the life we live?

My wish for you is that you would find contentment in the here and now.  Live today.  It's all you really have anyway.

Cheerleaders Needed!

Happy Saturday to everyone!  I hope you are enjoying this lovely day and getting ready for a fun three-day weekend!

Today I want to talk about something that is absolutely critical to the success of your goals.  If you don't have this in your life, you are going to have a difficult time living the life of your dreams.  Hopefully you have more than one.

I'm talking about a support person, or a cheerleader.  A cheerleader is someone who knows you well and believes in your dreams while offering a shoulder to lean on when the going gets tough, but is also truthful enough to help you overcome your (known or unknown) weaknesses.

None of us are an island, but so many of us resist sharing our deepest goals and desires with the people who know us best.  Why is that?  Do we think they will laugh in our face?  Shun us for aiming at a ridiculous target?  More often than not, the people closest to us want us to succeed and they may know exactly what to say or do to get us moving in the right direction.

In all of the goal-related books I've read and studied, one of the first steps to take when starting a new goal is to establish a support system.  Whether you meet with someone in person, schedule regular phone meetings, or even post your goal on a social media site, having a support system in place is like laying down the steel skeleton of a building.  It is establishing a rock-solid foundation to build your dreams on. You are making yourself accountable to someone other than yourself.  Without a support system, it's a lot easier to quit when times get difficult.  You can easily talk yourself out of your goals,  but when someone else knows what you're trying to do, they will be able to push you to go the extra mile, even when you don't seem to have the energy left to take another step.

Keep in mind that a support person has your best interests in mind.  If he or she tells you something you don't want to hear, take a moment to examine if there is truth behind it.  If he or she points out that you always say you want to lose ten pounds, but eat three candy bars every day, don't get offended if it's the truth.  Support people are much different than saboteurs, who secretly just want to see you fall flat on your face.  Support people speak the truth in love, even if it's sometimes hard to hear.

Today, can you identify at least one support person in your life?  If not, think about people around you who could be potential cheerleaders for your goals.  I encourage you to contact someone today and be honest about your struggles and successes.  I bet you will come away from the conversation feeling a renewed push to work on your goals.

Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to one of my biggest cheerleaders, especially right now, and that is my mom.  Even though she lives 800 miles away, she made plans to move in with me and my husband for the next month to help us with our new son, due to arrive today (although I don't think he's coming quite yet).  This week has not been easy for me, but my mom has been here to encourage me.  One of the first things she did after she arrived was paint my toes for me since I can't reach them.  How's that for a support person?  I don't know how I would have made it through this challenging week without her here.  She's been a shoulder for a very emotional pregnant person to cry on all week long.

I hope you have many support people in your life today, but even if you have just one, reach out to them!  You will be doing yourself a favor.  And, while you're at it, think about the people in your life who might need cheerleaders of their own.  Who can you provide support for today?

I leave you with this Scripture:

"As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." -Proverbs 27:17

Establishing a Reward System

At the risk of this post sounding very Pavlovian, it's so important when you're working towards any goal, big or small, that you have a reward system in place.

I came to this conclusion last year as I was trying to lose about ten vanity pounds.  I realized that being ten pounds lighter at the end of the process wasn't enough of a motivator for me.  I needed small rewards along the way that would give me that extra edge on the tough days.  So after every two pounds lost, I promised myself small rewards of new workout clothing, a book I'd been wanting to purchase, and a date night with my husband.  Then, my ultimate reward when I met the goal was to talk to my husband about having a baby.  Talk about a great motivator!

Well, being that I'm weeks away from giving birth, we all know how that discussion went!  I didn't quite reach my ten pound goal, but I found out I was pregnant right when I was at an optimal weight for myself.  And I'm not sure I would have been there if it weren't for the reward system I had in place.

You know the saying, "Life isn't about the destination; it's about the journey".  I think this speaks directly for our need to have a rewards system as we're working towards major life accomplishments.  Even if your goal is so motivating, thinking about achieving it makes you want to dance around the room, at some point you are going to get tired.  You are going to get frustrated and question whether or not you've made any progress.   And it's at this key time where if you have a reward in place, you will find the extra push to keep going.

So, today, as you are looking at your goal, think of a way to intermittently reward yourself.  The above rewards are all things that motivate me.  Your list might look very different, but the point is, the rewards have to be appealing to you.  Otherwise they won't motivate you at all.

On paper, make a list that looks something like this:

My Current Goal: ___________________________

Time Frame to Accomplish: ____________________

My Top 5 Rewards:

___________________________

___________________________

___________________________

___________________________

___________________________

Your rewards do not have to be equal in value to you, but it is important that you put the bigger rewards closer to your ultimate goal.  Once you've established your Top Five rewards, all you need to do is space them out as evenly as possible from now until your goal deadline.  

Then, do something today, even if it is small, that gets you working on your goal.  As soon as you meet a reward, don't delay yourself the pleasure of having it.  Have the ice cream, read the novel.  Go on a beach excursion.  Whatever it is... make sure you do it!  The key is to accomplish our goals while enjoying life at the same time.  If we were only supposed to enjoy the destination, the rest of life would be pretty dull, don't your think?  

I invite you today to enjoy the journey!  Reward yourself and see if you aren't that much closer to accomplishing the life of your dreams!

Where Are the Dreamers?

Where are the dreamers?

For several days, it's been on my mind that so many people have lost the ability to dream about what could be and about who they could be.  It gets me fired up.  Makes me mad even, because there are shells of people walking around who are literally using 5% of their potential.

Without going into detail, I have some people close to me who are simply existing every day.  They have lost their ability to envision a bright future for themselves.  They have no goals, no drive, and no energy.  And so they wait around, day after day, which brings them closer to death, without ever having truly experienced life.

At one time, these people had incredible potential.  But somewhere along the way, they lost the vision for their lives.  They stopped envisioning the future because they needed to "just make it" through the present.

I believe that the mundane day in and day out is what keeps so many of us from dreaming.  We get too comfortable with our lives right now and fail to exercise any tunnel vision for the future.

What if you have stopped dreaming and become content to simply exist?  Know that you are not alone and that there is hope!  When was the last time you sat down and thought about your life?  Are you happy with where you are?  Is it where you want to be five years down the road?

In order to become a dreamer again, you must become very clear about what you want.  Even if your brain is screaming at you, telling you that you'll never be a _______ (painter, chef, architect, business owner, mother, etc.), if the dream feels authentic deep, deep down in your soul, it is probably meant to be!

Challenge: Take ten minutes today for yourself to dream.  On a blank sheet of paper, write down the following questions and then answer them as honestly as possible:

Have I forgotten how to dream?  If so, why?

Where would I like to see myself a year from now?

Where would I like to see myself five years from now?

Where would I like to see myself ten years from now?

What kind of a legacy do I want to leave when I pass on?

If you take the time to answer these questions, even a dreamer that has been dormant for years can begin to come awake inside!  Don't be surprised if you have more energy than you've had in a long time!  You're finally dreaming again, and that, my friend, is a very good step in the right direction!

What's in a Goal?

Today in my GMG post, I want to focus on a fundamental question: what's in a goal?

The purpose of this blog is to motivate women the world over to go after their goals and celebrate their successes when they are achieved.  But we all have different goals we wish to accomplish in our short lifetimes.  One woman may want to cook more healthy meals at home.  Another woman may wish to lose 50 pounds this year.  And yet someone else may want to quit smoking once and for all.

So what exactly is the criteria that defines a true goal?  And not just a wish or a dream?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge fan of Dave Ramsey, the financial guru.  He has helped me not only understand my personal finances better, but has also taught me a lot about the difference between goals and dreams.  Dave differentiates dreams and goals in this way: a dream is a vague wish, something to be accomplished "someday".  Whereas, a goal is a specific plan that has a time limit to be achieved.  Notice, dreams and goals can be either big or small.  The difference is that dreams are hazy and goals have "feet" on them, so to speak.

No doubt, you've heard of setting SMART goals.  This acronym can help you turn a vague dream into a goal by applying the words contained in a SMART goal.

S-pecific
M-easurable
A-ttainable
R-ealistic
T-imely

Instead of going into depth about each word, let's just take a dream and turn it into a goal using these words.

Dream: I want to cook more.

Why is this a dream?  For one, it's really vague.  It's wonderful to want to cook more, but that just sounds like wishful thinking.  Maybe you've had too much McDonald's this week and would like to savor a dish from your own kitchen.

Here's how we turn it into a goal:

"I want to cook more" defined by SMART goals:

Specifically, I want to cook three dinners per week and eat leftovers on other weeknights.
I will know I've achieved this goal when I have purchased the ingredients for three different meals at the grocery store each week and have cooked the meals I've planned in advance. (Measurable)
I know I can achieve this goal with a little pre-planning on Saturdays and making sure I have been to the grocery store for the week by Monday mornings. (Attainable)
I will stick to this goal because I know it will help my food budget by not eating out so much and also help mine and my family's diet because I can control the foods we're eating. (Realistic)
I want to begin implementing this goal starting on Saturday and will examine my progress at the end of this month and evaluate what's working and what's not. (Timely)

We just took a vague wish and put SMART feet on it, effectively turning it into a goal.  It wasn't difficult, it just required a little more definition than, "I want to cook more".  Now we have a very measurable goal that we will know very simply if we've managed to achieve by the end of the month.

I have a challenge for you today: Take one of your dreams and apply the SMART method to it.  Write it out as a dream and then begin to define it into a goal using the same method above.  Once you've done that, read what you've wrote.  I bet you are starting to get excited now because you may be able to actually see this dream coming to pass, now that it's a goal.

In my next blog post, I will share with you my current SMART goal.

Have an awesome Saturday, all you GMG's!