Lower Your Expectations

This post might come as a surprise to you.  After all, here is the woman who is always spouting off ways to reach your goals, suddenly telling you to lower your expectations.  Don't the two contradict each other?  I say no.  Here's why:

Sometimes in goal setting, there is too much going on at one time.  You might know this as multitasking.  And studies are showing that multitasking doesn't work so well.  If you are trying to do everything at once, it's hard to do any one thing well.  You might halfway finish a bunch of things, but they're still only halfway finished, which is not really finished at all.

Since becoming a mom, I have resigned myself to the fact of life that I'm not going to accomplish the same amount of stuff that I used to be able to in a day.  My typical day goes something like this: wake up, feed baby, get ready for work, work, pick up baby, feed baby, put baby down for nap, shovel lunch while baby is sleeping, feed baby, put baby down for afternoon nap, shower, feed baby, make dinner, entertain baby, feed baby, get baby ready for bed, finish whatever I can once baby goes down for the night.  Right now, "baby" rules my to do list.  He comes first.  And that's ok.  But somewhere in that time frame,  I have to do other things like fold laundry, wrap Christmas gifts, and of course, empty the dishwasher.

Enter my new motto: "Lower Your Expectations".  Yes, I still have goals that I want to accomplish.  But, I am choosing to pare down my to-do list to one or two things that I can get done in a day.  The rest will have to wait for now.

As a result of this new motto, I am still accomplishing things, but at a slower pace while caring for my son full time.  And I feel great about that because I am still finishing my to-do list by the end of the day, but it's just smaller.

Sometimes in our lives, we will simply have to lower our expectations of what we can get done in twenty-four hours.  You may not be taking care of an infant, but maybe you have aging parents to look after.  Maybe you're facing an illness that zaps you of your energy.  Or maybe, you are dealing with none of those things, but simply need to slow down and savor the season.

Do me a favor.  Cut your to-do list down this week.  Even if it's just two items: what can you stand to let go of?  What can you move to next week?  With the time you save, spend it loving on the people in your life.  Drive around just for the sake of looking at Christmas lights in your neighborhood (this is a very relaxing practice for me!).  And then, do the things on your to-do list that are left and feel proud of yourself for still accomplishing your goals, but truly taking the time to slow down.  You and I will all be happier for it!  Yes, I give you permission to lower your expectations!

Something to add to your to-do list: enjoying the holiday lights!  Especially if you had to put them up at your house!

End of Year Habit Challenge Update

Well, it's been a while since I've posted, so I decided to give you an update on my last post.  Last time, I challenged anyone who wanted to join me to replace one bad habit with one good habit for the rest of the year.  Even though I didn't have any takers, it did not deter me from working on my plan.  My bad habit to drop was after-dinner snacking and I wanted to replace it with a bedtime routine with my son.

As life goes, I got sick a week ago.  Up to that point, I was making good on my bedtime routine and doing a great job of not snacking after dinner.  But then when I got sick, I really didn't feel like eating, so snacking wasn't a problem.  However, my son's bedtime routine went out the window since Momma was collapsing into bed every night as early as possible!

Now that I'm feeling better, I plan on reinstating the bedtime routine.  The nights I did have one with my son, we enjoyed some awesome bonding time.  He would snuggle up against me in our comfy glider and I would choose a short book or two to read.  Landon really enjoys being read to and I hope it's a love that lasts as he grows up.

On a positive note, as a result of not snacking (and being sick), I have dropped four pounds this month and the jeans that I was wearing well at the beginning of the month are now almost falling off of me!  Something is working!  I'm going to keep on working my plan and dust myself off when I fail and try again.  It's not the failures that count.  It's the number of times we keep going after we fail that bring the reward!

End of Year Habit Challenge

Can you believe that the end of the year is so close?  It really hit me today when I started listening to Holiday music in my classroom.  Before we know it, the midnight countdown will begin for 2014.  Many people might consider the next month and half to be a time to get relaxed on goal setting and have another slice of pumpkin pie.  But not you and me.  Not these GMG's!  This is the perfect time to take the End of the Year Habit Challenge. If you're just the least bit curious on how to "Carpe Diem" for the rest of 2013, read on...

I've seen different numbers on how many days it takes to establish a habit.  Some say 21 days.  Some say 28 or 30.  Regardless, we're going to use the last 49 days in 2013 to strengthen one habit.  Just one is all it takes to establish some great momentum for the upcoming year.  You can so do this!

Whenever you drop a bad habit, you will always replace it with something else whether that be a better habit, or another bad habit.  Time is a vacuum and whenever you have extra time, you are going to fill it with something.  So this is the challenge:

In the next 49 days, replace one bad habit with one positive habit.

That's it!  It's not too complicated that you can't accomplish it within November and December.  And by January, your old bad habit will be history and your good habit will be firmly established!  How's that for a win-win situation?

I wouldn't challenge you to do something without taking it on myself.  Here's what I am going to do.  A bad habit I have is snacking after dinner.  That's not such a bad thing except that I like to snack all during the day too.  I'm sort of a grazer.  But since I'm trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, the snacking-all-day-thing is not really working with my diet.  So the habit I'm getting rid of is snacking after dinner. I will still allow myself to snack during the day, but I am declaring dinner to be my last food for the day.

Since time is a vacuum, I have to replace the time spent snacking with something else, non-food related.  So my replacement habit is establishing a relaxing bedtime routine with my son. I've decided it's going to be: feed, read, change, and swaddle.  I'll give him his bedtime feeding, then read him one of his books or even the Bible, then change his diaper for the night, and finally swaddle him in his blanket and put him to bed.  Research shows that babies are comforted by the same routine around bedtime.  Not only is this good for him, but it gives me some great bonding time with my son as well!

So have you figured out what habit you are going to replace and what habit you are going to instill in the next two months?  If you're up to the challenge and will commit to being my buddy on this leg of the journey, do me a favor and comment below on your two habits.  Or you can comment on my Facebook link.  I'm really excited to hear from you and find out what good habits you're going to try and which ones you're going to kick to the curb for good!  We're all in this together!

Trying to Do it All (Doesn't Work)!

This post is for those of you out there that attempt to tackle your day with a vengeance.  When your alarm goes off in the morning, you jump out of bed like there is a fire under you and are immediately awake (ok, well maybe it's more like after your second cup of coffee).  You save your to-do lists just so you can admire how much you're able to accomplish in a twenty-four hour period.  You are a type-A, gotta-get-it-done now kind of person.

Just like me! Only that way of life doesn't seem to be working for me anymore.  This week I returned to work.  I am now a part-time teacher and a full-time mom and that means that time to run my household is a precious commodity.  I am lucky if I get a shower and dry my hair by bedtime.

Unfortunately, my personality lends itself to trying to achieve perfection, so if I happen to go to bed with items left on my to-do list, I somehow feel like a failure for the day.  And that's really ridiculous because I am taking care of another human being!  I've never had to do that before, so I need to learn to cut myself some slack!

The point I'm trying to make is that trying to do it all doesn't work and will often leave you more frustrated than if you had chosen a few key tasks to accomplish in a day, week, or month.

Do you ever have so many goals floating through your head that you never make progress on any of them because you're trying to "do it all"?  This happens to me.  I want to publish a book, write a song, drop five pounds, and try out four new recipes-- all in the same month!  It's no surprise when the month comes to an end and I haven't made progress on any of them because I couldn't choose just one to focus my attention on.

Goal-setting and time management experts have a great technique for combating the "do it all or nothing" mentality.  They recommend asking yourself, "If I could only accomplish one thing all day, what thing is most important to get done?"  Then you complete that one thing BEFORE you do anything else (like mindless channel surfing: guilty as charged!).  Only after it's completed, you ask, "If I could only accomplish one other thing all day, what would it be?" This technique allows you to focus on one thing at a time and achieve the most important tasks.  Then you can go to bed at night knowing you handled first things first and didn't waste as much time on unimportant tasks.  

I've recently discovered a cool app called "Balanced".  I have the free version on my phone and it allows me to enter and track five different tasks that need to be accomplished for me to feel balanced.  One of my tasks is to drink 8 oz of water four times a day.  What's cool about the app is that it will remind me when I need to do something.  Then after I've completed the task, I can check it off.  I've really enjoyed the app and how it is helping me put things in perspective.

I hope you will try the above technique if you are struggling with a massive to-do list.  Simply choose your most important tasks and don't do anything else until they are finished.  Then, and only then, can you indulge in mindless channel surfing completely guilt-free!

A Victory!

I wanted to take a moment and share a little victory I'm having today.  After all, this blog is all about Girls Making Goals and reaching them, so I think every small goal should be celebrated along with the big ones.

Today is my six week postpartum appointment with my obstetrician. When my son was born, I gave myself a goal to be at a certain weight by the time this appointment rolled around.  Yesterday, I stepped on the scale and found out that I met my goal!  I am 13 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight!

Since I have met this goal, I'm ready to set another: by New Year's Day, I want to be within five pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight.  I think this is very realistic because I should be able to pump up the exercise after my doctor clears me.  All I've done up to this point is walk.

I believe my body has returned to its pre-pregnancy shape due to several factors:

1. I was healthy when I got pregnant.  I wanted to be in great shape when my husband and I were trying to conceive.  For some reason, I just felt that the entire process would be easier.  And in my case, it was.  We conceived within two months of trying to have a baby.

2. I kept up a walking routine.  Both my doctor and my mom constantly encouraged me to keep walking while I was pregnant.  And it seems that some research indicates walking throughout pregnancy not only helps you feel better during the pregnancy, but also aids in an easier delivery.

3. I am nursing.  Obviously, the nutritional benefits for my baby were enough to encourage me to nurse.  But I have to admit, rather selfishly, that when I read that nursing burns up to 500 calories a day, I was sold! I thought it would be the easiest exercise program ever!  Ha!  It really is hard work, not to mention, my son likes to eat A LOT!  But now that we've both gotten the hang of it, I wouldn't do anything differently.  It's convenient and cheap and nourishing to my baby.

4. I believe that my body will, in time, return to its healthiest weight.  It's easy to get stressed that my body is not the same as it was a year ago, but then I remind myself that it just did this amazing job of carrying a baby full-term!  Anyone who has carried a baby should be commended!  You are a rock star!  Isn't it amazing that your body can handle so much?  What an innovative Creator we have!  And in time, if well cared for, a body can look as good as it did before pregnancy.  I have many friends who are proof of this!

I'm not seeking to brag or toot my own horn in all of this.  I just wanted to share what has worked so far for me.

All I can say is that every extra pound and new stretch mark was worth it when I snuggle my precious son.  I would do it again in a second!

This is my first pregnancy picture at eight weeks. I was still at my pre-pregnancy weight.  Hoping to get back to this by January 2014!

Bloom Where You're Planted

"She was a wife and mother, in love with the life she lived." -Nicholas Sparks, from A Bend in the Road

It is not very often that I run across a quote in a novel that stands out to me.  However, I just finished reading this wonderful novel listed above by Nicholas Sparks and several pages from the end, I read the line above.  And it caught my attention, probably because that line very much describes my life right now.

If someone asked me what I do today, I would say my job is "wife and mother". Even though my profession is a musician, being a wife and mother in this period of my life far outweighs anything else going on.

But the second part of the quote is what really inspired me: "she was...in love with the life she lived." What a beautiful line.  How many of us can honestly say we're in love with the life we live?

Go ahead and be honest with yourself: are you?

I believe a huge part of loving your life is looking for the opportunities to flourish right where you are.  I live away from my mom (very far away, about 800 miles), and for the longest time, I wasn't content with my life because I didn't live close.  Finally after several years, I stopped fighting myself and began to set goals and dream about what could be right where I am in Florida.  And that is when good things started happening and momentum began to take me to greater levels of personal and professional success.

One of my favorite quotes is "Bloom where you're planted".  You may not feel like you have the resources around you that you would like, but you can always take what you do have and make something with them.  Wherever God happens to have you in this moment of your life is where you are supposed to be.  It's easy to fight it and hope that things will change, but I challenge you to bloom where you are.  You can flourish, even in a desert season.

Can you imagine how much better our world would be if more women rose up and decided to truly love the life we live?

My wish for you is that you would find contentment in the here and now.  Live today.  It's all you really have anyway.

Mini Goals

Well, I realize that it's been over a month since I posted anything. As any of my readers may know, the last time I posted was days away from the birth of my son.

I am happy to report, Landon Christopher King was born on Tuesday, September 3rd, weighing 6 pounds and 14 ounces.

He has quickly become the center of my world!  Since coming home from the hospital two days after his birth, there has been little time to do anything besides feed, burp, change, and cuddle my little munchkin.

One thing that has been difficult for me is realizing my limitations within a 24 hour day.  There is just not enough time to do the things I used to do.  Heck, sometimes I barely have time to choke down lunch!

Enter the mini goal.  A mini goal is a single step goal that I can accomplish in about ten minutes or less. This little trick has become my lifeline this past week.  I wake up in the morning and jot down no more than five mini goals that I want to achieve during my day.

Today's mini goals were as follows:

1. Bathe
2. Journal
3. Figure finances
4. Walk
5. Pick up the clutter in the living room

Now I realize some of these are basic, basic things.  But, now that I have little time to myself, I feel pretty amazing when I get to check off "bathe" on my list (and I do it while my son is sleeping!).

Mini goals are all about instant gratification.  Right now, I'm not at a place where I can work on major life goals.  And that's ok.  Because one of my unwritten goals is to spend this time working on becoming the best mommy I can be.  But having mini goals still allows me to see what I've accomplished during a day, all the while straddling a cutie in my arms.

If you are like me and are facing a very busy time in your life, maybe it will benefit you to work on mini goals as opposed to a big life goal.  All you need is a post-it or an electronic device that lets you make a to-do list and you're in business.  Try not to do more than five mini goals.  The idea is to see yourself making progress, not overwhelming yourself if you're unable to finish a giant to-do list.

I hope using mini goals is helpful for you!